but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
