Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
