I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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