Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
