I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
