Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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