im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
