If i come over, it means nothing
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
