I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
