i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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