Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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