I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
