highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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