It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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