think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
