keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
