God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I died a long time ago.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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