YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
