Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
