Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
