At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
