We won't sleep together?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
