I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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