I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
