i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
