She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
