As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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