you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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