I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
