you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
