very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
