she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
