please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
