In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
