My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
