sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We need to get me chipped asap
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
