My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
