It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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