Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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