ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
