is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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