sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I lost the right to judge tonight
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
