i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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