i think i have herpe
just one?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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