He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
