even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
