dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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