your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
