Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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