There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
