420 ftw
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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